Long Days, Fast Years. I can't believe how true that statement is. Somehow we survived the frantic breast feeding challenges of the first days-weeks after Fredrik's birth, the sleepless nights of January through March, and the claustrophobia brought on by a bitter winter. Now summer is almost over, and my baby boy is 1yr old. So...what did we learn along the way? 

• "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."      -Jon Kabat-Zinn

AKA: You might have a plan A, but be prepared to go with plan B and then C. Expect this to start with labor and delivery.

• Stop googling the same thing over and over, put the books down, trust your gut.
• Rock with them as much as possible. They will never ever be this small again. You don't have to want to do it every time, but you will never regret it.
• Practice this phrase "I love you and....(you are driving me nuts, I just want to pee alone, please stop screaming...)" Fredrik and I have very different personalities, so I get to say/think this a lot.  He is what we like to call 'expressive.'
• Ask for help. Help caring for the baby, help with cooking/cleaning, help from a therapist. There is NO shame in admitting that you need/want help. Getting help means you are taking care of you which means your baby will be better taken care of. And say YES when help is offered. I said yes to many people who helped provide food for Fredrik's birthday party, it made things so much easier for me.
• Find a support group. In the early weeks my new mamas group from Amma was incredible. I wish every new mom had access to this class. Now I have MOMs club.  I try to make it to one playdate each week, or meet up with one of the other moms just get some adult conversation in.
• Take time for yourself. After the first 1-2 months this should include more than just brushing your teeth and taking regular showers. My gym membership to the YMCA which provides 2hr of 'free' childcare has been a godsend. I also make plans 2x month to meet with a friend(s) without our kids.
• Leave baby at home. Even-though I want to bring Fredrik to all the fun activities like the state fair, camping, and church; he doesn't do well when messing with nap times. So we play at home, go on walks, and have playdates at friends homes. There is plenty of time ahead for baseball games and jazz festivals.
• The lessons can wait. Did you know that they now provide swim lessons starting at 3 months old? I know many people who signed their babies up. I didn't and I felt guilty. In the words of my sister, "we didn't take swim lessons until we were at least three, and we still learned to ski behind a boat!" Instead we swam in grandma's big pool, and splash in our $13 baby pool. We might do a swim lesson this winter just get us out of the house, but not because it's imperative that he swim like fish before he's 2.
• Accept survival mode. There are no fancy dinners being made around here. The crockpot/instant pot is my best friend. I have several friends who have said similar things, and to expect this phase to last for the first 1.5-2yr of your child's life.

If you are a parent, what did you learn in the first year after your child's birth?

Several years ago a co-worker told me she didn't think she wanted to have kids because of what pregnancy would do to her body. Recently another friend said she was inspired by my ability to eat healthy and exercise, and essentially get back to being "pre baby Brenna" all with a newborn! Well....here's the thing, I'm not "pre baby Brenna" and I never will be. This friend said I gave her hope that she will be able to maintain her healthy lifestyle and body someday after she has kids. This didn't sit well with me. I've seen things on the web about this postpartum 'get your body back' BS, as well as women struggling with accepting their changing body during pregnancy. I just didn't know I would have to tackle it myself. I sent her the kindest e-mail response I could with a few of my thoughts regarding this topic; and I want to share some of what I have learned the past 10 months with all you.

​1. Whenever you are ready to have a baby just know your body will never be the same.  
I have a scar from my c-section, and up until about 7month postpartum it still felt weird and a little numb. No one will see it when I'm in a swimming suit, but if they could, I don't care. I worked my butt off for that scar.
2. Yes I lost the "baby weight" within the first month, but my tummy doesn't look like it used to. How could it? That picture is me at 40 weeks. The skin is still kinda loose, and my belly button is different. I didn't  lose the line down the middle of my abdomen called a linea nigra until about 8mo pp.  The only pants that currently fit are leggings and my workout shorts. Everything else is loose because I lost a lot of muscle mass in my booty and legs from not working out like I used to. It's super frustrating because it limits what outfits I can wear. This is not the problem most women complain of when it comes to their postpartum body. I haven't told many people this because I'm afraid they will judge me, and just give me a dirty look. About 3-4 months ago I finally get the courage to purchase a YMCA membership where I get 2hr of "free" child care so I can workout more consistently and hopefully rebuild some muscle.

Why haven't I bought new pants? I hated clothes shopping before baby, so now it's even less fun with the pressure of trying to fit it in between naps, feedings, snow storms, and now wanting to be outside in the sunshine. So I'm sticking with a couple of new stretchy skirts and gym shorts and a pair of yoga pants for the summer.

3. Sleepless nights = sugar cravings.  I thought I was done with the midnight eating, but it still hit at times when I was breast feeding. My "will power" to say no to sugary treats is much less than it used to be. However, after munching on 5-7 chocolate covered pretzels at church several months ago and then testing my blood glucose and seeing it at 155; I'm slightly more inclined to pass these treats up. Unless I deem it 100% worth it (brownies are typically worth it). Ryan and I have made it a priority to continue eating as much real food as possible, but there are weeks when the Byerlys taco bar and Thai take-out make more appearances than hoped for. I use more pre-cut and frozen veggies in our meals, and 'recipes' need to be 3 steps or less. There's a lot of instant pot shredded chicken in our lives at the moment.

This is just to say, that no matter what your diet and exercise is before and after baby, your body will be different.  Not better, not worse, just different. There's a good chance it may not look how you want it to. Get rid of the expectations to 'get your body back.'  You don't have the body you did when you were 16, 20, or 30, why would you have the same one after a baby. The old you has died; you are reborn a mom. 

A co-worker asked me recently, "What are you doing for yourself?" That's a big loaded question for a new mom.  But here it is.
I finally grabbed my kettle bell and got back into the swing of things. I used to love going to my kettle bell class several years ago, until my instructor left for a different position.  Since then, I've been lifting and swinging on my own at our local Snap Fitness. Now, as a mom, I wanted to get a membership to a gym with child care (LA Fitness), but they will not feed Fredrik if he gets hungry, they won't change a diaper, and if he fusses for more than 5 minutes, they will come get me.  Not sure I'd ever get a workout in at that rate...
Instead, I've started following these workouts in the morning from Noelle Tar at Coconuts & Kettlebells. Either before Fredrik wakes up (after coffee of course), or after he is up and fed, I grab my bell and pray Samoa our cat doesn't walk in-front of me.  I figure Fredrik will learn to count to 10 before any other babies with all the rep counting.  My bell isn't very heavy; only 15#, but it's getting me moving in a way I haven't for at least 4 months. I tried to do a few things when I was 2 months postpartum, but found that many activities still aggravated my C-section, and just didn't feel good.  I also didn't have the energy since  November was a terrible month of sleep. So I stuck with walking.  
My goal is 3 x/week, but I'm not holding myself to any strict schedule or standard. I know there is the possible 4mo sleep regression and  teething in our future, but when I'm mostly rested and feeling good I plan to swing my bell and get a little sweaty. Wondering when I shower? I was too for a while... Since Fredrik is still so young he takes fairly predictable naps; and his first one lasts about 45-60 minutes, which is just enough time for me to shower and dry my hair.  TADA! clean mom. I can honestly say that making these two activities (exercise & showering) back into my schedule has made me a better mom.  I feel more patient and sane knowing I did something for me.
Even if you aren't a new mom, what are you doing for yourself that makes you feel good physically and mentally. 

My belly is giant, my ribs hurt, my ankles are swollen...But I'm still exercising. Some days I feel great and do things like back squats.  Even if they are much much lighter than I used to. Then there are days like yesterday when all I could muster was a medium paced walk on the treadmill. As I later told Ryan, 'it feels like all the energy and strength has been pulled from my legs and arms and shuttled to my belly.                         GUESS WHAT?! IT HAS!!!
As someone who truly enjoys being active and working out, it's very hard to accept that my body is changing and that I am not capable of doing all the things I want to. It's frustrating to barely be able to put on shoes, roll over in bed, bend down to feed our cat, reach the bathroom faucet to spit and rinse after brushing my teeth.  However, I know that in the next 24 hours to 2 weeks, our lives will be forever changed, and I'll be frustrated and enchanted by a whole host of new things. Change is good, sometimes it's just uncomfortable. 
When it comes to exercising in your 3rd trimester, just do what feels good.  

• I had to stop going to my favorite yoga class weeks ago when I had to make too many modifications.  Yes, I could go to a prenatal yoga class, but they haven't worked with my schedule. (or I just didn't fit them in). I've found the TRX to be a nice compliment/alternative to certain exercises like pushups and inverted rows which when done without the TRX can force you to incorrectly engage your pelvic floor and abdominals.  If any exercise causes abdominal coning, DON'T DO IT! This can worsen diastasis recti or separation of the abdominal muscles.
• Kettle bells are great too.  Again, not using a heavy bell like I did in the past, but 1 handed swings, snatches, and cleans are still options. I don't do Turkish getups since they incorrectly engage a pregnant woman's abdominal muscles and cause coning. 
  
• I've had fun using the battle ropes, and figure if I can keep them going for 90 seconds it's kind of like a long contraction...right?
• Walking! Do as much as you want, or as much as your swollen ankles and sore back allow you too. Actually the NHS recommends pregnant women walk 150 minutes/week.  That's 30 minutes, 5x week.  Go at whatever pace you can.  Sometimes I feel like walking fast, other times its more of a stroll. And sometimes I have to practice a Kegel mid way through because there is no bathroom near by.
• Lunges and squats are wonderful exercises to help open up the pelvis and get baby's head in the right position. These can be body weight, TRX assisted, goblet squats, back squats, whatever works for you and your belly.  I did try to do some single leg squats last week, but my center of gravity and balance had me toppling all over the place, no need to do those now. 
• My mom suggested water aerobics.  This actually sounds really appealing, I just don't belong to a gym where this is an option.

Again, keep exercising.  It's good for you and baby, unless your healthcare practitioner has said it isn't.  Listen to your body, and do what feels right.